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Those Freaking Millennial’s

I finally figured it out, guys. I figured out what Millennial’s are doing right! Take a seat and a deep breath because this one is gonna sting.

We are having difficult discussions and waiting to get married (or remarried, as the case often is)! In today’s post, we are going to talk about the child-bearing and -rearing portion of this topic. Catch the conclusion soon!

So yes, you’re probably rolling your eyes, Karen, its ok, hear me out. Yes, I did say “remarried.” Remarried is actually my favorite category. Most of us in this early 30’s dreaded millennial category are stuck between these two generations. Stuck between the “OMG YOU MUST BE MARRIED HAVE 2.5 KIDS A DOG AND A PICKET FENCE BY THE TIME YOU’RE 25 OR LIFE IS OVER” generation and the “Wtf I can’t have responsibility, I’m just a 25 year old baby, Mom, can you make my doctor’s appointment for me please!?!?” generation, Millennials have gotten an absolute shit reputation. Often accused of being indecisive, childish, and not wanting “traditionally American valued lifestyles,” we are a much maligned generation.

Pushed into educations we couldn’t afford, because it was “the only way to go,” some were fortunate enough to hate school enough to never finish, or never even start. Some of that crowd was fortunate enough to find an actual career, especially in trades. The rest of us floundered with debt and miserable jobs, because “it was just what you do.” We hurried into relationships because “its just what you do.” Granted, for many of us, its what we wanted. However, those who buck this tradition; the purposely childless, the avocado-toast-eating-heathens, who pamper their rescued Schnauzer-doodle, who rent apartments, who are drowning in school debt but don’t want to or can’t find a career in a field they chose when they were 18 but hate at 30…. those are the people that the traditionalists hate. I don’t fully fit into this category. I’m stuck in this generation largely by age only. However, I am fanatical about bucking tradition.

Tradition is what YOU make it. Its wonderful that the Boomer generation got married straight out of high school to the first person they laid eyes on, could afford a Bachelor’s degree working part time, could afford a house as their first living experience away from their parents; its great, really, I’m so glad that at one point in time, that was a reality! However, my generation is seeing the fallout from that. We are witnessing people staying married sheerly out of absurd stubbornness. We are witnessing kids who are dealing with the emotional and mental consequences of growing up under stringent, emotionless conditions. We are witnessing people still retiring with nothing, or working until they’re completely broken because their finances and plans fell apart. We are witnessing men and women alike staying in horribly mentally and emotionally abusive situations “because its what you do.” Obviously, this doesn’t apply to everyone… the same goes for my generation, FYI. We aren’t all childless, marriage-hating assholes. Some of us still want a career for 40 years, a marriage for longer, and kids who are stable, secure and happy.

What I am seeing my peers doing now inspires a lot of hope in me, though. Lately, I’ve been seeing some incredible awakenings and truths occurring. People are realizing they cannot hurt someone else when their own psyche is suffering. We surged forward after high school, armed with the experiences of our parents and grandparents, doing “all the right things,” getting our oh-so-important educations and often marrying quickly and having children quickly, but have the perspective of being far more aware that there are other options, and no, you won’t die.

There’s two categories of people to discuss here: One is that category I mentioned. We did “all the right things” and are now ending up either “woke” or broken in our 30’s. The second is the Waiter crowd, the Avocado-Toast-Renting-Plant-Lovers. These aren’t the only two categories that exist, but for today’s purposes, they’re the ones we are focusing on. Of course there are outliers, who are living fabulously wealthy, fulfilled lives… and the people who just lie to themselves.


Consider this: in today’s economy, its nearly mandatory to have a two-income household, if you’re interested in living above paycheck to paycheck. Financial security is no longer a big part of deciding to marry and combine households. No longer are women leaving their parents at 18 and immediately marrying off because they don’t have a career. Now, they need that career, because its a financial necessity. The hunter-gatherer lifestyle doesn’t exist anymore. The climate is as unstable as the financial climate – if you have children, will there even be a world for them to live in? Kids are being mowed down in their classrooms; diseases, cancer, allergies, developmental issues are rampant. Kids are expensive. Every parent is nodding their head right now. Even if you do the bare minimum – no sports, no travel, nothing extravagant – feeding, clothing, caring for them, the occasional night out without them… it adds up.

Lets address another huge elephant in the room here: it used to be that those couples without kids were limited to the rare “weirdos” who just never had them, and the couples who were physically unable. Now, its becoming acceptable to admit that you don’t actually want them, and not have to explain to everyone why. Its a topic of conversation when you first start seeing someone – do you want kids? More frequently, men are voicing their desire to have or not have them. But more importantly, women, who have long been seen as motherly, regardless of their desire to actually be a mother, are able to say, “its just not for me.” Traditionally, child rearing is easier with a consistent partner, as in, the other parent. Since women are expected to want children, its nice that this comes up so quickly. It can be discussed openly immediately, since this is a fairly non-negotiable area for most people.

Its not hard to see why reproducing is still such a touchy topic. There’s so much at stake. A whole new person who depends on you is no joke; we are also the generation responsible for the declining birthrate too. Less unplanned children in fewer unplanned or unwanted relationships is a GOOD THING, SHARON. Of course there are a whole lot of people who are not trying to repair any of this damage. I am no sooner lumping us all together, saying “yay, everyone wants to grow and improve themselves!” than I am saying “millennials are all the same.”

One thing we’ve figured out, if nothing else, is that what’s been happening simply doesn’t work. Its a hard reality sometimes, when you feel like you’re connecting with someone so well and major, non-negotiable things like children come up and you disagree. But that’s one of the things that makes this generation so powerful. We are having these conversations, early and often, and aren’t afraid to speak up.

This becomes especially important when I talk about marriage and re-marriage later on. Children coming as “part of the package” in a relationship is just about the truest test of a relationship there could ever be. As a widow, I’ve been put in a challenging position of handling my child solo in the meantime, but also the freedom to make choices based exclusively on what’s best for myself and my child. I count myself blessed that I do not have someone interfering, making our lives difficult, manipulating my child, manipulating my feelings, at every turn. I feel incredibly blessed that I can meet someone, and while I come with the “cute kid” package, I know that whoever that person is, does not have to also carry the burden of my late husband’s treachery. We are free to experience life without someone making things difficult, simply because they can.

It tears my soul up when I hear friends experiencing that level of childish manipulation. Loving a child is a selfless act; using a child as a pawn is disgusting. I’m hoping that even just ONE person reads this and if they aren’t already going “I need to be the best I can be for my child and I want to peacefully coparent so I can enjoy a successful and happy relationship in the future,” that maybe it will jostle something, and they will. I’ve been on both sides of the situation, and they’re both challenging; lets give each other a break and just do what’s best for the children without being a baby ourselves. We owe it to ourselves, our children and our future generations to grow up and own our bullshit and HEAL!

In my next post, I’m going to dive into why millennials who are slowing things down and repairing themselves before marrying or remarrying are doing something our generation can be proud of!

Much love & light ~ Jess

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The Single Life

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve been a single mom now for roughly 2 and 1/2 years. It’s not something that I ever expected. I’ve never spent much of my adult life out of any relationship, good or bad. I have always craved the “best friend” effect that a relationship provides.

I know that my situation is challenging, so I certainly won’t minimize it, but I also know that I’m not as bad off as some other single parents. And I don’t mean parents who have the financial, physical or time support of another biological parent. It’s not easy to have to do things alone, but there is a drastic difference between somebody who has The support even in some small extent of the other parent of your child.

Over the last 5 months or so, I haven’t trusted myself. I pushed myself to be optimistic with relationships. I pushed myself to continue to date when my gut told me that I just needed to relax for a while. The frustrating part is that it’s an incredibly lonely life when you don’t have a partner. Everyone is busy. A vast majority of my friends have kids or at a minimum a partner they live with. Actually, I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t at least have one or the other! It. Is. Lonely.

I don’t even remember what it’s like to share responsibilities with a partner, husband, boyfriend, whatever. To be perfectly honest, it has been a whole 2 and 1/2 years since I have experienced the closeness of a live-in relationship. It is a very different world to have full access to someone. I literally do not remember what it is like. I barely can wrap my head around the idea of having someone to share everything with every single day anymore. It’s almost depressing and itself to think that. Which is quite possibly why I remain so optimistic that the right person is out there for me. My son doesn’t conversationally speak yet. And honestly, I can’t discuss the Microbiology slides that I made today, or how worried I am about the Chemistry test I have to take Monday, with him anyway. No child needs that stress on them.

I feel like I shoulder the responsibility well. Some days, yes, it is overwhelming. Some days I have to “cry and then boss up” because stuff has to get done. Some days I fantasize about putting my son in the car and starting over somewhere. But I’m not even running from anything at this point. I am secure, we are safe, we are happy. Now, I’m seeking more introspection. There is nothing to run from except my own mind. My own unhappiness with my progress (again). My own loneliness.

But now I need a break. I’ve got to take care of myelf and my heart, because at the end of the day, I know that I don’t want to end up in another horrendous situation because I rushed to make decisions or because I wanted something so badly that I chose to “make it work.”

Now, some of you are probably sitting there rolling your eyes, thinking “wow this bitch has no clue, that is all relationships are, is ‘making it work.'” I assure you, I know full well the gravity and the weight of a relationship. I was married for three and a half years and my longest relationship was over six years. No matter how unhealthy it was; I have experienced *some* life. However, I feel as though I still haven’t experienced the extent of love that I expect from a forever-relationship.

I was talking with a friend yesterday, and I said I had noticed something interesting about my personality when I’m within and without a relationship. I noticed that sometimes the difference, to be cliche, is that “my sparkle is dulled.” For lack of a better term, I am a sparkly person; I mean, after all I am a Gemini, so it’s to be expected that I am a little flighty, silly, I love to laugh, and as much as I appreciate a plan, I do love spontaneity. But all too often I’ve noticed that depending on the person I am with, it gets toned down to a dull roar. I’m not okay with that! I said to my friend, I have to find the person who appreciates it and nurtures it, not a person who wants to suppress it all the time, or worse, doesn’t inspire it. I can’t have someone who doesn’t appreciate how ridiculous I can be. How much I love being silly and lighthearted. How much I’m a lovey mush. And that probably sounds obvious, don’t be with someone who doesn’t “get you,” but I will hazard a bet that there are a lot of people walking around feeling just a little bit dead inside because they are making such huge compromises.

Being in a relationship might not always be easy, but it’s easier than leaving a bad one, no matter how bad it is. Even people who are being physically abused and sent to the hospital, have a hard time leaving that relationship. Leaving a relationship that doesn’t set your soul on fire still isn’t easy. Leaving someone who doesn’t understand you still isn’t easy. Human emotions are cruel and unfair for the mostly, from what I have experienced. It’s a wonderful thing that we can experience such a wide range of emotions. But they get in the way of our better judgment. Our better judgment telling us that we deserve more, or that someone won’t change or even grow, for crying out loud, or that someone doesn’t care for us enough to listen to us better, or communicate better, or pick up their goddamn socks off the floor.

I’m not advocating everyone get up and walk out of a relationship because the going gets tough, not by a long shot. But I know enough people that I care about who are stuck in situations where their partner has gotten lazy, or they truly had a crisis of conscience where they can no longer be who they used to be, or be who they represented themselves as at first (I submit that that is even more painful), and they simply cannot cut the cord. They cannot make the mature decision to say I am going to work harder for us, or I am going to leave your soul at peace and move forward without you.

That is probably the most powerful thing that someone could ever say to their partner who they are unhappy with. “I want to leave your soul at peace.” It has nothing to do with what the other person is or isn’t doing; it is simply acknowledging your own role in the scenario. Something about my spirit irritates your spirit and they are no longer compatible.

Maybe this is just part of dating effectively in your 30s. Maybe this is just part of my journey as a widow and a mother, and my experience. On the other hand maybe this is valid for you as well. Maybe you are sitting there wondering why all the wrong people are coming to you. Or why you are stuck somewhere that you absolutely can no longer stand. Or maybe you go on date after date for them to all be dead wrong for you. Maybe you haven’t been on a date in so long that you can’t remember what going on a date is like (I’m with you! Are actual dates a lost art!?)

Here’s the thing, guys. I remain optimistic. Maybe that makes me a fool, but I know that my soulmate is out there stumbling around without me, so I will keep pushing forward until he appears. Even during this time of healing for myself where I am technically not dating, I will still certainly go out on dates if I am asked. But right now I’m “just meeting people.” I need to enjoy the serenity and clarity of my early 20’s that I never had, try to enjoy life on my terms a little bit more, and keep my heart and my head clear so that the right person is coming closer to finding me every single day.

So I encourage you, my fellow single parents: know what you are seeking. Tell the universe how grateful you are that your soulmate has appeared to you. Thank the universe for delivering someone who not only fulfills your needs, but you also fulfill theirs. You are not a half looking for your other half you are a whole looking for another whole. Completion is not the goal. You are a whole human being And if you aren’t, then it is time to start working on that. And if that requires you to be completely alone, do so. Don’t drag anyone else into the mess. Part of the reason that I have objectively chosen to remain outside of any solidified relationship for the time being is because I don’t need to drag anyone else down. I certainly believe that two people can work very hard together and both heal while together. Please don’t get me wrong there. But I think that too many broken people are getting together, staying together or just ignoring their problems all together, and not doing the work to be the best people that they can be. I pray that you find someone who doesn’t irritate your demons and who wants to work equally as hard as you to be the absolute best person that they can be; for themselves first, and then for their children if they have them, and then for you, and your children if you have them.

If you have gathered anything from this today I hope it is this: broken people don’t have to be broken forever. But they need to acknowledge that they are broken and fill their cracks in a healthy way, and if they are trying to repair themselves while in a relationship with someone else it needs to be a symbiotic relationship. Everyone needs to work together or it will never work. An ultimately, if that person is not working with you, they don’t care enough about you to make it happen. Don’t ever sell yourself short. Don’t run from everything that is in front of you, but don’t tell yourself that you deserve to stay in a crappy situation because of time and history. It is better to be sad and unhappy alone, than to sleep next to another human being and feel equally as sad alone.

Much love ~ Jess

Ho’oponopono – the Hawaiian art of forgiveness
Cut the cord with whatever is holding you down. You don’t even need to be specific; just RELEASE IT. Forgive for YOU, not for them. Drinking poison and hoping the other person dies is just stupid. Release what is not for you; draw in what is yours.

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A Beautiful Bouquet of Red Flags

Sorry for my absence! It’s been a crazy summer, but the hard work was worth it! For my Anatomy & Physiology 1 & 2, I earned an A in both classes and was named to the Dean’s List for the first time in my life. Its very exciting for me to see hard work and effort pay off, as I haven’t always felt that way about school in the past.

In my limited down time, I’ve come across some interesting Instagram posts lately. They’ve been slightly “triggering” (I still absolutely hate that term, I think its overused and mocked, but it is what it is) for me. Narcissists are often either glossed over or puffed up. When people don’t see the “behind the scenes,” that person is the greatest ever. They’ve got a charming, glossy exterior, that fools everyone. Until they’re the victim. This is something that seems to get talked about once a year when its domestic violence awareness week, and then we forget about it. Those of us who have experienced it don’t forget. Often, we live with complex diagnoses, dealing with silent triggers each day, that evoke powerful emotional reactions that we don’t realize happened until its too late. I’m speaking mainly about men as the perpetrators here, but this can go both ways, so guys, don’t disregard me – it happens to you too!

I’ve been in therapy for a year now. My diagnoses are something I never expected, but very fitting. Sometimes my reactions to SIMPLE things are so instinctual; all emotion, no consciousness to them. Its been a long year. Its been more down than up. But I want you to see and hear from someone who you may have watched (or may not have, I’m not offended 😉 hopefully you’ll stick with me now though!) go through “some shit.” I want people to hear how REAL this is and how incredibly damaging it is, and how intensely difficult it is to break those learned protective habits. I wanted to share this thread (IG: @narcissistic_abuse_is_real) that resonated with me.

Its hard to nail all this down if you’ve never truly dealt with a narcissist on some level. You might read through this and say “everyone has some of these traits” and roll your eyes and click back to Facebook. I get it! I didn’t believe it or understand it until I experienced it. I pray you never have to – but I think its valuable to understand it so you can spot it, and more so, be a good friend when someone is unfortunate enough to get caught in the web.

Its almost impossible to believe that someone would be so foolish to fall in and worse, STAY with someone who does this to them. How do you get stuck thinking that someone who makes you feel like utter garbage every day, still loves you?

Its simple. First, the attraction is like a moth to a flame. They have an uncanny ability to be unreasonably attractive for a reason you will NEVER be able to put your finger on. Its mind-boggling sometimes. Even you, being madly in love, will look at this person and not be able to understand it most days. Second, this person does absolutely EVERYTHING to earn your trust straight out the gate. They prey on people who have weak boundaries in this area. Whether its because you were raised to be submissive, you are anxious to be “taken care of,” are in a bad position financially, mentally, or otherwise, or even a combination of these, you’re lured in because they fulfill a weak spot in your current situation.

Narcissists love to be the hero. A damsel in distress is their favorite target. Why? Because they can swoop in, make you feel like a million bucks when you need it most, shower you with whatever money and love and attention they can muster, and then the deal is sealed. Now that they’ve “rescued” you, you’re beholden to them. Or so you feel, sadly. They may have left you in an equally crappy situation – but in their telling of the story, you have been restored to greatness… all thanks to them. This is how you get trapped in the web. What I see most often is a women who is down on her luck – maybe a bad breakup or situation left them homeless, or they’re trying to get out of wherever they are; this person swoops in and improves their situation. Sometimes its not even a major improvement! Sometimes, it could be equally as bad, and especially as the victim realizes they’re trapped in a new situation, it goes down hill quickly.

Usually its practically blissful for a while. The worst offenders assert their control over the situation in the most sly of ways at first. Little ways to keep the person trapped, financially or mentally – you “build a life together” and now, boom, you’re having his child, or you’re still completely unable to financially separate yourself from them. The more obvious offenders go for gold. Physical abuse is the most obvious, offensive abuse.

But the mental toll being on-guard 24/7 takes is overwhelming. Then the victim starts blaming herself. Why wasn’t I stronger? Why couldn’t I just figure this out for myself? Why couldn’t I see all this coming!? We beat ourselves up endlessly for things that have always been out of our control.

Here’s the thing to remember: if you find yourself in this position, its not your fault that the other person is exerting control over you that you cannot thwart. The sooner you can acknowledge and embrace that, the sooner you can move on. Its so important to start exploring your own energy. Start figuring out who YOU are, outside of this situation and relationship. Its so important to keep working on yourself and growing. Embrace the bad attitude and consciously and turn it around. Its going to be a long, uncomfortable period in your life, but the most important thing is, you have to remove the ability for that person to control you. Do whatever it takes to get out of that situation. That abuser will never change. You can’t do anything to change them. It is not worth the energy, effort, or what you assume is the love you are giving to try to fix anything. A true narcissist will never change because they are heartless; you aren’t. You aren’t perfect – no one is. But you can and will survive this, carry on, and do better. Work on yourself. Find your light again. You can do this, and if you don’t have friends who will help you get there, now you have me!

Much love & Light ~ Jess

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Becoming a Student… Again

The last two years have forced me to make decisions on the drop of a dime, rely on people (which I hate, but I’m working on 🤣), and make choices that weren’t necessarily fun or desirable, but necessary.  As we are rapidly approaching the second anniversary of our lives being tossed into a blender, I am terrified and excited to finally be returning to school.

Now I’m doing something for me and I’m scared to death. I started college right out of high school – I had no idea what I was doing and even less guidance (hello colleges, can we work on this??).  I spent 3 years floundering.  I had no idea what I wanted to be and I was just taking classes to stay in school, basically.  I went back when I lived in Reading.  A bit more focused, but no support system, and I crumbled and quit.  In my last semester, after having horrendous sore throats my whole life and ending up in the hospital with tonsillitis twice, they decided I should have my tonsils out.  If you’ve had yours out as an adult, you know why I fell apart during summer semester classes.  I was practically unconscious from the pain meds for about 3 weeks.

I started thinking about what’s next, a few months ago. My life has radically changed and IMG_20190211_175001_240I realized, nay, had an existential crisis, as my therapist so eloquently and put it today, that I need to figure out who *I* am.  I’ve never had this opportunity.  Choices were made that benefited everyone but myself – even though most were under the guise of a lasting relationship and making decisions together (insert collective eye roll, I know, how 1950’s of me).  I’m one of those saps who still wholeheartedly believes in marriage, family, one parent staying home with multiple kids.  So, here I am with none of that.  There aren’t many places to go but up.  I’m continually complimented for “carrying on” and “choosing to keep going”…. I’m still trying to figure out what my other options were, because I didn’t see any.

So now, I am Jess, future Nursing student, for real this time.

I felt ancient walking onto campus for the first time today, and I’m 100% sure that won’t change much, but I felt SO much more capable, prepared, and ready to show school who’s boss.

 

Love & Light ~ Jess

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Is it Over Yet?

Depression and anxiety have spanked me this year.  I have always dealt with my anxiety.  What that really means for me is, its just manifested in “non-traditional” ways, like being short with people, having very narrow focus, retaining ridiculous amounts of stress, avoiding a wide variety of situations, and being extraordinarily moody for no apparent reason.  Basically, I’ve just lived with it and not acknowledged it.  You know, very positively!

Now my struggle with it is far more visceral. I can’t sit still.  I can’t move either.  Sometimes I can’t catch my breath.  Thoughts race – even the most ridiculous things seem true, imminent.  Thoughts feel thick, like wading through a tub of coconut oil.  There’s too many thoughts, but I can’t escape them.  I feel like I’m on the brink of complete collapse sometimes.  When I can gather enough clarity, I take a few pumps of oil and I can start feeling freer in 15 minutes or so.  Its as though I line everything up, like little toy soldiers on a wall and I can start flicking them off the wall, one by one, every wild, racing, over-the-top thought and fear.

Since I was in high school, depression has floated in and out of my life.  When I sought treatment the first time, someone close to me said “I just can’t understand what you could possibly have to be sad about.”  And that’s when I stopped constructively dealing with depression.  Sometimes I’ve anticipated the lows, and other times, I have been blindsided.  I’ve picked up, carried on, and dealt with it.  Its what we expect people to do!  Quietly, privately, and with as little emotion as possible.  No mess, no fussing, no drama.  That’s what I thought I was accomplishing after Matt abruptly passed.  I was dealing like a champ.  I was pushing forward, growing, kicking ass.  In reality, I was definitely surviving, if not even thriving, but I was completely failing to heal the hurt.Introvert inclusion

I have trust issues.  There.  I said it.  I find myself not trusting people about the DUMBEST stuff.  There are a million reasons running through my head why anyone isn’t doing what they claimed.  It isn’t even based in reality!  I was trained, systematically, over a long relationship, that I wasn’t worthy of the truth.  I wasn’t worthy of being included.  I wasn’t important enough to anyone. I wasn’t worthy of my own husband telling me what he’s actually doing.  Its a daily struggle of insecurity.  Who is excluding me from stuff?  Why didn’t I get invited to something?

The more I have been sorting out, the more I realize.   And the more I wonder.  I wonder why I gave so much trust to someone who repeatedly broke it.  I wonder why I believed someone who routinely fed me stories.  I wonder why I wasn’t valuable enough to get the truth.  But I also realize that this wasn’t my shortcoming.  I did what I was supposed to do.  I trusted the person who was supposed to take care of me and my son.

I’ve been talking with close friends lately about my purpose and what I want from life.  One of my greatest aspirations in life is to be a wife and mother – explains a lot about why I was so eager to please someone who would have pushed me off a cliff if it suited him.  I’ve felt this since I was young.  I feel for me personally (NOT everyone!), there is no greater calling than to have a fulfilling relationship and raise good humans.  That in turn gives me the framework to then achieve professionally and otherwise.  And don’t worry, I don’t think my value rests solely with a marriage.  Its just something I find extremely valuable personally, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

What I want to bring to you, dear friend, is the awareness about yourself.  If you’re struggling similarly to myself, the first step is getting help.  Get perspective.  I don’t mean from your goofy friend with all the opinions. There are some easy things (from an implementation standpoint, anyway) that you can do that will help you get on the right path.

  • A therapist is a great neutral sounding board.  It might take a few tries to find someone that you’re comfortable with. That friend with all the opinions might be eager to listen, but they might not always have time to carefully consider your concerns – after all, they aren’t paid to listen to you.  They might also have ulterior motives.  God forbid they do not have your best interests at heart or don’t care who they share your personal business with.  It will only compound the problem to know that someone is speaking about your issues with others.  Find someone who is truly neutral.
  • If consistently visiting a therapist is out of your budget (I know it can get expensive!) look into some self help books and/or workbooks.  You don’t even need to pick something deeply self-exploratory.  Start with something that doesn’t feel too inflammatory and work your way up (just don’t let yourself off the hook before you get there).
  • Start journaling. Good old fashioned pen and paper, not on your phone or computer.   Take 10 minutes each day.  If you’re really committed, spend 10 minutes when you first wake up, writing about things you’re grateful for, and 10 minutes before you go to bed, brain dumping, so you can go to sleep with a blank slate.  Ten minutes is just a guideline – it gives you a set window of time to commit to the process.
  • Really want to go all in?  Start doing guided meditation.  Use YouTube videos like this one to help you.
  • Figure out if you would like or if you feel you need medication.  I weighed the options medications to help with anxiety and depression and I couldn’t balance the weight of not being lucid against the potential benefits.  Of course, I’m a huge advocate for hemp oil because of its lack of negative side effects and overall health benefits.  The hemp and cannabis plants are extraordinary in their benefits to humans and even pets; get good stuff in your body, however you choose to consume it.  There are tons of things to look at when you’re looking for a brand of oil (I’ll explore it in another post), but you can get the best here.

Accepting that you’re going to have good days, you’re going to have bad days,  and its all just part of life, is the first huge step to working through things.  Explore your reactions to things and situations.  Analyze why you’re reacting to things a certain way.

~The only thing we control in this world is how we react to things~

Read that until you understand it.  You can’t control what anyone else does; you can only control your reaction to the situation.  Stop letting other people’s stupidity send you over the edge.  Stop letting someone else’s inconsistency, arrogance, ignorance, selfishness, lies, jealously, etc etc control how you feel!

This is all just the tip of the iceberg, but its a great start.  Much love & light to you today!

Want more on the topic?  Drop your comments and questions below!

~ Jess