Becoming a Student… Again

The last two years have forced me to make decisions on the drop of a dime, rely on people (which I hate, but I’m working on 🤣), and make choices that weren’t necessarily fun or desirable, but necessary.  As we are rapidly approaching the second anniversary of our lives being tossed into a blender, I am terrified and excited to finally be returning to school.

Now I’m doing something for me and I’m scared to death. I started college right out of high school – I had no idea what I was doing and even less guidance (hello colleges, can we work on this??).  I spent 3 years floundering.  I had no idea what I wanted to be and I was just taking classes to stay in school, basically.  I went back when I lived in Reading.  A bit more focused, but no support system, and I crumbled and quit.  In my last semester, after having horrendous sore throats my whole life and ending up in the hospital with tonsillitis twice, they decided I should have my tonsils out.  If you’ve had yours out as an adult, you know why I fell apart during summer semester classes.  I was practically unconscious from the pain meds for about 3 weeks.

I started thinking about what’s next, a few months ago. My life has radically changed and IMG_20190211_175001_240I realized, nay, had an existential crisis, as my therapist so eloquently and put it today, that I need to figure out who *I* am.  I’ve never had this opportunity.  Choices were made that benefited everyone but myself – even though most were under the guise of a lasting relationship and making decisions together (insert collective eye roll, I know, how 1950’s of me).  I’m one of those saps who still wholeheartedly believes in marriage, family, one parent staying home with multiple kids.  So, here I am with none of that.  There aren’t many places to go but up.  I’m continually complimented for “carrying on” and “choosing to keep going”…. I’m still trying to figure out what my other options were, because I didn’t see any.

So now, I am Jess, future Nursing student, for real this time.

I felt ancient walking onto campus for the first time today, and I’m 100% sure that won’t change much, but I felt SO much more capable, prepared, and ready to show school who’s boss.

 

Love & Light ~ Jess

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