When its over…

Its still really raw.  I am hurting like hell right now. My heart is broken all over again.  received_10213671262954793But like everything else in my life, I hope that someone can gather something from what I’ve learned.

I give everything that’s in me when it comes to love.  I love my child with every fiber of my being and I give every relationship 110%.  I will never stop doing that till the day I take my last breath.  Fatal flaw?  Possibly.  But I know that when the right guy finds me, he gets it all.  The good, the bad, and the no-makeup and messy hair.

Disclaimer: I am annoying – I challenge stuff.  Norms. Values. Beliefs. Standards. Ethics.  You. Myself.   I’m not tidy, but I’m not gross.  My passion is

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infinite.  My son is absolutely everything to me and I’m tired of seeing him hurt.  I do things different and I’m completely unapologetic about it.  I deserve the world and so does my baby.  But I also give the world; negotiate; compromise; I will fight to my last breath for a relationship that is worth it.

This also sounds a lot more like a dating application than I expected.

My reality is that I’ve been through circumstances most people don’t even want to fathom.  Death, displacement, loss, betrayal, hate.  I’ve allowed it to propel me, shape me, make me into someone I don’t even know yet.  But I certainly love her!  This is when you say “Oh well, duh, you shouldn’t be dating if you’re not stable yet.”  I’m not un-stable. Just like every human who knows ‘what’s up,’ I am growing.  A work in progress, destination yet to be determined.  I know precisely what I want and desire, but sometimes it evolves, just like every single human.  I was fooled by falsehoods and fraudulent promises.

IMG_20180316_143621_130I’m still a dreamer.  A romantic. Hopeful. I know the right person is out there for us, because that’s what we need.  Some women prefer to do it all alone.  Some men prefer to do it all alone.  Its not my preference.  While I am an introvert to the core, I still very much need companionship and I don’t apologize for that!  I know what I want and my optimism means eventually I’ll find it.

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